%% I juZ ReAlizED hOW MUch i Love My mUm %%

The other day, something happen that makes me realize how much I loved my mum. She went to doc for her coughing, standard de, every yr at this time she will cough for about 1 or 2 months before it automatically gets heal. Haha. Anyway, back to the topic, while at the doc, she causally mention to him that she have been noticing that she has a few blue blacks on her body. The doc then suggested her to take note, as it can be signs of low blood platelets.

Few days later, she notice that she got a few blue blacks on her arms and legs and got freaked out. I can understand her feeling la, her own bro (my uncle) died of some blood relate illness, and the 1st sign he got is that he have got blur blacks all over his body. It was a painful experience that time and somehow the blue blacks on my mum’s body remind us of that incident again.

She then went for a blood test at polyclinic yesterday, as I am still serving my probation at my company, I didn’t take leave to go with her. I very much wanted to do so actually but given that I haven already taken some leave during my exams last year, it wasn’t so nice for me to take leave again and furthermore, my appraisal is coming up.

Thus, throughout the whole morning yesterday, I was fidgeting in my seat worrying bout the results of the test. Hundred and one thoughts went thru my mind and I have trouble concentrating on my work. I didn’t want to tell my colleagues and didn’t want to bother Jie as he is working also. Therefore I could only swallow the worries, damn I tell u, its totally nerve wrecking lor. I keep checking the time and couldn’t decide when to call her to ask her bout the results.

The night before, she was trying to tell me bout her worries and I was too tired to talk more as I need to sleep early to prepare for a long day on Wednesday cuz I have school. So I just console her a bit and went to sleep. I was feeling guilty on wed morning when I woke up for work. I was very scare bout the results giving us bad news, I couldn’t imagine the consequences if the results were bad news.

Suddenly, I thought of the things that my mum had did for me from young, it makes me realize how much she haven given me, not in terms of monetary but in terms of care and concern.

I still remember that when I was in kindergarden, we have to walk about 3 blocks to from my house to reach my school. There was this particular day after school that it was raining cats and dogs and the drains were all flooded. My mum, who usually dun even hold my hand when bringing me home, offered to carry me on her back. Till now, I can still remember the image, the sweet feeling I have when my mum was carrying me. Maybe it’s becuz she trained me to be independent from young age as my brother is younger then me by 3 years old only. Therefore, for this reason, she dun really carry me since I’m old enough to remember things. This particular incident left a deep impression in my small little heart at that time.
Because my dad was often not at home on the pretext of work, my mum had to bring we 3 rascals out alone on many of the outings. But she always have to threaten us 1st before making the trip. For example, like if we dun behave ourselves well, there will be no more next trip or if we make a scene at shopping centers asking her to buy us toys, she would not bring us out again. Because of her constant threats, we learned how to behave ourselves when we go out and never really give her trouble outside. Therefore, once in a while she will bring us out. Hehe.

Not bad for a woman la. You see nowadays, couples each have to hold on to one child tightly when they go out. But she manage to leave my elder brother and me walking by ourselves while she hold on to my younger brother and she is confident that the both of us would not be running far from her. Once in a while, she will also bring us to different places in Malaysia either with her family members or package tour. Although we didn’t have the chance to go far or overseas, but we still have little holidays. Back then, I think we were contented with it le.

When I was in primary 5, I was being streamed into the now obsolete EM1. I was in the afternoon session then but because of the extra higher Chinese language that we were required to take, we have to go for lessons at 10 on some of the mornings. After the lessons, we would take lunch before proceeding to our normal classes. I still remember out of my so many classmates, I will be the only one whose mum would bring home cooked food for me as lunch. Other classmate’s mum would be there too but they only came to help their child to buy their lunch in school. None of them brought home cooked food for their children. Sweet isn’t it? Hehe. She would pack the containers with rice and soup with I cannot eat without with and then bring to school for me. She did this for me for the whole of my pri 5 yr.

Through all these years, although having to face the pressure of bringing us up alone, but she didn’t grumble, I guess this is 母爱的力量. Although she will lose her temper once in a while but never did she really take it out on us. Maybe just a bit more naggy den usual but still is of tolerable standards.

I was especially a difficult child I think, with my mood swings, bad temper and everything else. And especially when I faced stress in terms of school exams. I be very tense during the whole exam period, no matter is in pri, sec, poly or even uni nw. She knew that she didn’t have to worry about me when schoolwork is concern but then I think she is very worried that I give myself too much stress.

She once told me that if it is too 辛苦den ask me dun force myself too much. I think I gave myself more pressure den she ever give me. When now she sees me struggling for my uni exams, she will nag at me to call it quits if it takes toil on me. Its not that I dun understand her concern for me but sometimes I just dunno why I couldn’t bring myself to say thank you or to tell her I understand her feelings. I just couldn’t bring myself to say those words that I deem as mushy to her. Perhaps it’s the way our family is, perhaps she is also not use to this kind of affection.

She would always cook tonic chicken soup for me during my exam period cuz she knew I always did not get enuff rest during this period. I know it is specially prepare for me de cuz she dun cook on other days but will only cook during my exam periods. She would also always ask about the paper when I came back from the exams. I know she is worried that even after studying so much I couldn’t do the paper and I would be devastated. She would give words of console indirectly to me and ask me dun dwell on it too much.

Last year, when my auntie told her that there is still a space in the tour group to go to Japan, my mum gave up the chance to me to go with them cuz she knew that I was very keen to visit Japan. And I was forever nagging at her that I didn’t get a chance to take a plane even though I am oredi 21. She gave me the money that I had given her when I was working to go for that trip. She told me to treat it as a 21st birthday present and to celebrate me for getting into uni even though it’s on a part time basis.

Through these years, I knew that she 付出a lot of the three of us, holding on to us even though my dad gave us up. Her 无条件的付出 was very much appreciated by me, even though I didn’t show or express it openly to her, but in my own little way, I try to be more 孝顺to her. I dunno whether wat I am doing is enuff or not. But at least I am trying and still learning to be better to her.

After this incident, it makes me treasure her more and not take her for granted. I promise I would try to be a better daughter mum, thank god u r ok.