** i'M scaREd **

I spent my past weekend at Jie’s and my home respectively struggling to do my tutorials which I haven got the time to clear on weekdays. 2 days just gone like that with both of us burying our heads in our books and stop occasionally for meal breaks only. Sounds boring? It’s kinda romantic to moi.. Hehe bring back the memories when we were still in poly, we also study like that de except not as frequent as now.

Despite putting effort into my work, there seems to be tons and tons of concepts that I tot I’ve understood in the lectures and only to find otherwise when I tried applyin them to my tutorials. I was panicking, in less than 3wks time, I gonna have my quizzes. Although I still do not know the percentage contribution to my final result, nevertheless, I still hope to do ok in the quizzes. At least it proves to me that I’ve understand the lectures.

Everyone has been messagin/callin/emailin me to show their concern over my current situation of balancing my work and school life. Thankz a bunch u lot. It brings warmth in me by just receiving ur msgs and know that some where out there, u all r concern for my well being. I’m thankful to have u all as my friends no matter who u r.

It’s never easy to cope with work and school at the same time, I know, a lot of plp have been telling me this. I think I know it better now since I’m currently doin so. It makes it triple difficult that for once, I dun have my friends like those I made in poly to be around with me which makes the learning process more easy, fun and meaningful. We not only gain knowledge, the most important thing is gaining them as friends and the bond that we shared.

There use to be a bunch of us hanging out together before, after , in between classes and of cuz in the lunch breaks. When in doubt, we can query each other, exchange tips, talk bout anything in the sun to ease the pressure sometimes. Ya, I know that becuz I’m takin part time, I may not be able to do all these. But for once, I felt so lonely in lectures and tutorials. No doubt, I still have friends there but than its just not the same, not the same feeling like when I was in poly. Perhaps, I should just grow up and move on and not living in the good old days but I just couldn’t help but wonder what if, just one or two of them were with me in this course, will it make me feel more relax and feeling less lonely? I think the answer will definitely be a yes.

There’s this particular person(A) that I know in my poly days who had been some sort like a emotional pillar to me in my toughest days. Although the impression that A portray out is those kind of I couldn’t careless attitude and doesn’t seems to be serious no matter in which situation, but then during my lowest period of time, it’s this friend who gave me a hand and also encouragement and saw me thru the difficult period.

I think the most memorable one would my last sem in poly towards my final exams periods. During that period, Jie is out of the country for his 1st overseas training. And it’s during this period that the “incident” occurred. Without Jie by my side during this difficult period was a nightmare for me for I need to face everything alone. I was at the brink of breakdown at that time. If not for Huiyi and A, I think I might not have handle the situation as well.

Huiyi stood firmly by me at that time knowing that how difficult it was for me then. It was her who counselled me at that time and also serve as my study buddy. Really must thank her for being there for me then, for I know maybe in my life further on, I may not be able to find some one like her who stood by me in this kind of situation for she could choose to stand at the other end and watch me sink.

A was somehow in a shadow providing encouragement and looked out for me. No matter what A has, A will make sure that a copy will be saved for me. When I told A that I dun haf much confidence in my subjects, A went out of the way to get tips and also provide extra materials for me to study for. There was once when I received a msg from A telling me that do not be afraid cuz no matter what A will be there for me, I nearly burst into tears. For I was very touch, very touch to have such a great friend. There I was, in the one of the lowest point of my poly days and to received this msg was really makes me perk up. For a long time, I carefully kept this message in my inbox, and whenever I was down, I would read the msg again and remind myself that no matter what, this friend will stand by me and how fortunate it is for me to have such a friend.

Everything went back to normal after my exams and for one, Jie came back from his training and once again my pillar of strength is back. Although I did tell him what had happen during his absence, but somehow the impact is not there anymore for I’ve already calm down. So technically speaking, its Huiyi and A who saw me thru this period instead of my bf(not that it’s his fault). But from this incident, I know that who I can count on in times of difficulties and will not be alone to deal with it (Shd Jie is not by my side at tat point of time).

A year had gone by since then, going back to study now makes me miss them a lot. I miss having Huiyi fussing over me for the smallest details, I miss A msging me those encouraging msgs. I miss the feeling of them being my classmates and knowing that they can be counted on. I miss them and my other classmates a lot. I know I couldn’t turn back time and change anything. I know I have to move on to be more independent and be more brave. I know I cannot be such a useless bum to keep embracing the past and did not look into the future. I knew I have to stop. But for one last time, just let me recap the wonderful days I have and knowing that with so many plp caring for me, I will have to courage to face the difficulties. For all these, will always remind me on they will be there supporting me while I pursue my dreams and reach my goal. I will be strong. I promise. Cheers, to our friendships.