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Well, was suppose to take half day leave yesterday only but end up take full day cuz of the waiting time in Mount Elizabeth hospital Radiologic clinic and thus pushing back the appointment time with my family doctor to submit the x-ray to him in order to write the medical report.

It was already 4pm when I finally finish everything. Therefore, it seems no point to go back to work. Its not half day off lor, its already near to my official knock off time 5.30pm. Hahah anyway, I went back home to sleep la. I was really tired after all the traveling I did the whole day in order to get this medical report done. Ya la, no choice la, who ask me want study. That’s what my colleague say to me, evil.

Yesterday, on my way to Mount Elizabeth, I forwarded some messages to a few of my poly friends. Long time no see them le, I quite missed them. Of so many messages that I sent out, only my best fwen replied. Ok, a bit childish to have this kind of naming – best fwen, kinda kindergarden kids rite? Haha. Yao ni guan?

We started talking or rather msging a bit, updating on our recent happenings. It suddenly occurred to me that I still haven send out his long overdue present which I didn’t dare to send alone also, so I wait 4 Huiyi to get hers and we send together. The present that I told quite a lot of effort to prepare. Nothing fantastic I must say but then all the things inside is I took time to prepare in between my busy working schedule.

He knew that it will be a lot of crap in that present and that you know what? I think he’s the only 1who can see thru the jokes in the presents. Not even my dearest boy friend-Jie know the joke and I really dunno how to explain. This is the chemistry that we 2 best friend have.

And the ironic thing is? We 2 aren’t even close as b4 now even though we still address each other as best fwen. I really dunno why every time when I see some thing that reminds me of my poly life, the incident just came back to haunt me. I still cannot shake of the shadow of the incident, I admit, I still cannot let go. And I must confess, it still hurts to lose 2 great fwens at once.

Which 1 hurt me most, losing 2 fwens or finding out that the person I respected and trusted most turns out to be the person who distrust me most and guarded against me. I couldn’t decided which hurt more, really. Basically, I still keep the photos that we took last time in my pc and some times, when I browse thru them, I get reminded of all the things. I just dunno how to get it off my head.

Following my best fwen’s birthday, it implies that the incident happened exactly 1 yr ago. Useless me, keep getting reminded of the incident when ever I look at the photos or any things that we all have common memories of. No doubt, now that I’ve already take things more lightly le and dun dwell on it so much le but I really dun wanna lose this best fwen.

It wasn’t every day that you can find a person that you can click so well with you and can communicate without needing much explaining much to each other. Indeed, I have a lot of other fwens, some as close as sisters , know me since my pri sch dayz, but den this poly fwen of mine is a bit different from them.

1stly, he’s not of same gender of me. Haha but then come to think of it, he’s a bit on the gay side. Hahah 2ndly, the topics we talked about are nothing like what my gal fwens and I talked about. Ours is more on those stupid stupid things and some times just talking like that can send me laughing like mad. Its more on the fun on being fwens who have the same frequency.

You know what, it was me who choose to opt out of the friendship, stupid me? Some times I also think so but then I really dun wan cause anybody to be unhappie about him and me being friends. No matter what others may see, we are really only friends, purely very good friends. There wasn’t any sparks flying in between us, none of it in the 3 yrs of my poly life. His appearance wasn’t that type that can attract me. Period.

I really cannot understand why people of different genders cannot be purely fwens only. Izzit people of different genders are meant to be couples only? I beg to differ. I already have a wonderful boyfriend, I loved him a lot and treasured him a lot . It wasn’t like the next minute I see another guy, I will dump my current 1 to be with him. Its just too superficial and that I believe our relationship is much more stronger to withstand this kind of thing. And if the analogy of people of different genders cannot be purely fwens only, I think I no need have male fwens le cuz I already fix my gaze on my boyfriend only le.

Those who are not close to me, by all means, you can suspect my faith towards my boyfriend, can say that I’m bullshitting, can say I talk big. But then do you know that the person who don’t trust me is the 1 that I know since I step into poly, the person who I trusted and respected most, was holding her guard against me for fear that I will stand in between her and her bf.

You know what? If the person who distrust me wasn’t this gal, I wouldn’t have felt so rotten, so bad. But then, the fact that, its her! How can I accept the fact that the person who I view and regard as a sister to me to think of me in such a way? Was it some thing I do? Was it that my behaviour was inappropriate? Or was it plain paranoid on her part? I never get to find out or can say I never bother to go find out. I was shattered, I was beaten, hands down. I was being shamed. To have my good friend to view me as this kind of person, a person with such lousy character.

In my whole life, I was proud, proud to be a gal with what I regard as good morals and with self disciplined. I was never a outstanding student, never a over achiever, never really have much contributions to this society. But, within my own limits, I still maintain a good amount of dignity. Never in my wildest dream that I would be viewed, at least by my close fwen as this kind of person. Never.

The damage has been done no matter to which party. Maybe is something I did that make her think of me in this way, so in 1 way or another, I hurt her. What she did also hurt me deeply. And of cuz, the most innocent of all is my best fwen, I knew I’ve hurt him by opting out of the friendship. This what I call a lose – lose situation, where all 3 parties lost out. But still, given a choice to start all over again, I still will choose to have the memories, its these memories that makes my poly life special.

By this time of the year, I believe every 1 had moved on, including me. Soon, in no time, I think the memories will slowly fade and maybe in years to come, the gal might not be able to remember me or recognize me. But you know what? I still wanna thank them for all the memories they given to me. I’ll always keep the puzzle they gave me no matter what, as for the photos, it will always have a space in my pc. It’s the only what to thank them for being my fwens once and no matter what, I still never regret knowing you 2. Really. Was I really the kind of gal you viewed me? Please, tell me I’m not, please tell me its me being over sensitive, please.